So…you left a note on my son’s vehicle this morning.  A bold move on your part, no doubt.

Allow me to say a few bold words of my own.

You are a man.  No problem.  Some of my favorite people on this planet are gay. 

What bothers me, dude, is the creepiness of the way you went about things. 


You left a sexually explicit note on his car that was parked in his driveway without the benefit of an introduction.  Gay or straight…that is creepy. 

Stalker-ish, really. 

You say his body is sexy.  I get that.  Even as a mother, I do.  I mean…the kid is ripped.  I can totally see how another human, male or female, could appreciate all that hard-earned muscle and definition.   But you dove right in and had to describe the sexual favors you wanted to bestow.  That’s just too much. What happened to mellow approaches—maybe something like “you had me at hello”?

So if he doesn’t leave something red on his doorknob as a signal to you (he won’t), don’t you dare get any ideas in that creepy head of yours to keep after him.  Just show some class and leave well enough alone.

He is a damn good fighter.  You wouldn’t walk away without something to remind you of your creepiness for the remainder of your life.

Also…he has a badass sister who could probably whoop yours.  I know this.  You see, he is her trainer.


And last… my wrestling name is Big Momma.  If that doesn’t make you tremble in fear,  just know that I’m watching you.