You’ve been on my heart since the day you told me you were ready for this tournament….the day you told me you felt it was “time”.
I love you more than words can say. You already know this.
While I write this, I’m listening to a song that makes me think of you. I heard it the first time the day you won your first Jiu jitsu tournament in Edmond. While I watched you fight, I prayed non-stop. While I prayed non-stop, I felt God’s presence in such a huge way with a complete understanding that He is the creator of super heroes.
I know you know how real He is to me. Some day I’ll tell you the whole story. My eyes flood when I think of it and the joy of it overwhelms me so much that it is almost impossible to be still. There is a reason I turned cartwheels while I was full-term pregnant with you. I wasn’t showing off. I was celebrating.
I’ve got an advantage in knowing our beginnings in a way that you do not…the very challenge of just getting you here. The miracle of you is more real to me so you’ll have to trust me when I tell you that this song could be the background music to the video of your life, beginning-to-end.
“Water You turned into wine,
Opened the eyes of the blind,
There’s no one like You…
None like You.
Into the darkness You shine,
Out of the ashes we rise,
There’s no one like You…
None like You.
Our God is Greater
Our God is Stronger
God, You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer
Awesome in Power
Our God…Our God…
And if our God is for us
Then who can ever stop us?
And if our God is with us
Then what can stand against?
Who can stand against?…”
In the music video, the lyrics repeat themselves to a background of beautiful landscape scenery…the kind you love so much. I will make you watch this video. Only because I want you to know the song that will be playing through my mind as I pray for you in a tournament I can’t be physically present to watch. While you are listening to music in your headphones that make you battle-ready, I’ll be listening to the song that makes me battle-ready.
And when I hear this song, I don’t see beautiful landscape scenery in the background.
I see you.
I see you in all of your muscular glory. My brain will rewind to a time when you were two years old and you quit walking and reverted to crawling again because walking was too painful.
I’ll think of all those visits to OU Medical Center when you were going through a lengthy diagnosis process that seemed to take so long before they diagnosed you with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. I’ll remember for a moment all of those little people in wheelchairs, all those precious muscles atrophied.
I’ll think of the look of pain in your eye when we did physical therapy every day and night at home. I’ll think of taking you off your medication on nothing but a mother’s instinct because it made you so very sick…not at all like yourself. And so we kicked in more painful physical therapy to fight the damn monster that inflamed your little joints and when the pain became too unbearable, you simply asked for Tylenol.
I’ll think of the boy who sat in my lap in the swing at the park across the street from our house and listened to me sing songs about puppies.
I’ll think of the boy who only wrestled for one season of his life at 60 pounds and felt so bad making other boys cry.
And then I’ll picture you now, all of that heart so evident in everything you set your hand to. I’ll remember the day when you told me your dreams of being a fighter and you named the names of people who told you that it was an unattainable dream….something we don’t do in our home…because who is to say what someone else can and cannot do?
And so you went back into a gym at the age of 24 after a 14 year absence from the sport.
I’ll picture that last match…the one last summer when that other coach opposed your legitimate win …and you had to do the whole thing over again…and then you lifted that guy off the ground and body-slammed him into the mat. I’ll picture the girl who was making a video tape and she jumped for joy at the pure beauty of that move…and immediately showed the re-play of it to her teammates like it was beautiful choreography…and I’ll remember that she was a member of the other team.
The beauty and the strength and the glory of you is what I see playing in my mind’s eye every time I hear this song.
Last night I took Eric home from work. As is ritual, we talk the entire drive. When he exits the car, I talk to God. I remember saying to God as the snowstorm was blowing in so powerfully from the north, “OK, God…I need to talk to You about My Heath.”
I slowly drove away and turned on the radio for some peaceful background music so I could have this conversation with God about your upcoming tournament…and there in that very moment…was your song.
Congratulations on winning that big hunk of gold.